i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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