ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
