I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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