tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
