I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
