my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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