Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
