you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
