Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
