If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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