"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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