A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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