i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The adults are the big ones right?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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