HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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