If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
