It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
