The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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