i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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