Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
