Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize