let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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