Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
