Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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