Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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