i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize