hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
