brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
