my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
