bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
