4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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