One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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