I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
