Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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