Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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