it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
