I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
