Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
too bad you live with your parents still
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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