I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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