Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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