I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize