you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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