I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
