...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
