If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
