is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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