how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
