Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
