just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
whose parrot is this?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
