i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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