Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
