I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
