he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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