party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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