It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
