I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
