Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
