Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
