It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
