i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
