I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
