Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
