She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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