Heybabeimwearingurpanties
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
