Where did you get a picture of my penis
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
