i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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