My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
