After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
