Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
